Grand Ma

Part of her still wanted to say 'no', to protest but she was scared, scared that should she fail Mistress she would be rejected as unworthy and that she could not bear.But it wasn't just fear of rejection which kept her coming back for more. There was a part of her, deep, deep inside, which only Mistress seemed to see. As she debased herself, as she grovelled before her Mistress, as the paddle, or the riding crop struck her buttocks or her breasts, through all these things which should have repelled her she couldn't help herself from wanting more. Despite the pain, despite the humiliations, there were buttons inside her that only Mistress knew how to push and, when a session was over, as she took herself home, bruised, battered and exhausted she was also sated in way she'd never known existed. ******And now, today, Mistress had sent a text demanding that she be there ready and waiting. She'd let herself in and, as so many times before, prepared herself, readied herself to be used in. Angie was the only one that stood out and that conversation hadn't gone well.Of course I talked to my therapist about it. She got under my skin. Every time I described how a woman had turned away from me at the party, she'd interrupt me. Had the woman really turned away from me, or had I turned away from her? Had they made an effort to have a conversation with me or not? Angie had tried, I realized. She had tried to have a conversation with ugly freakish me and I'd been too crappy a conversationalist to let it happen.A notion that Tamara challenged the next time I was over for dinner."Did you ask her any questions?" she wanted to know as we sat talking in the living room, Billy banging away with the dishes in the other room."Well, yes. I asked her about her costume. Oh, and whether she had a kid at the party." That's good," Tamara reassured me."Then we got cut off by the commotion in the backyard," I said."So you had good reason to not finish the conversation." Well, I could have.
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